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A new survey published Monday reveals that nearly one in five parents said their child did not have enough friends.
Researchers at the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health surveyed more than 1,000 parents in August and found that 19% of parents said their child between the ages of six to 12 had no friends or not enough friends.
In addition, 90% of parents said they believed their child would like to make new friends.
"Friendships can play a significant role in children’s overall health and development, emotional well-being, self-esteem and social skills," the poll’s co-director Sarah Clark said in a statement.
Why children have difficulty making friends
Over half of parents (52%) reported at least one factor that makes it difficult for their child to make new friends. This included their child being shy or socially awkward (21%), their kids having no time (18%) or too few places (16%) to play or get together, other kids already having friend groups (17%) or being mean (15%) and the child’s disability or medical condition (7%) or appearance (3%).
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The survey also found that three in four parents have taken steps to help their child make new friends.
For children in elementary school (K-4), the researchers found that friendships often begin as a matter of proximity, so kids play with whoever is around.
Strategies for kids to make friends
The most common strategies parents reported using included arranging play dates or outings, enrolling their child in activities to meet kids with similar interests or giving their child advice on how to make friends.
About a fourth of parents (24%) also tried to befriend other parents who had kids the same age.
"Supporting children in making friends is a balance of guidance, encouragement and giving them space to navigate social situations independently," Clark continued.
The survey noted that children who struggle making new friends because of shyness, medical conditions or social anxiety may need to be gently eased into friend-making.
Clark suggested that parents can help by choosing a small group activity the child enjoys and allowing space for the child to become comfortable interacting with peers.
"For some children, making new friends can be stressful," Clark said. "Remember that children are still developing and practicing their social skills while making and maintaining friendships.
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But one of the most surprising findings from the poll, Clark said, was that two in three parents said it was important that their child’s friends come from families that were like theirs. Most commonly, this involved similar parenting styles.
Clark cautioned that keeping children's friendships exclusive to certain circles may prevent them from developing broader perspectives, open-mindedness and better social skills.
"School is often viewed as a place where children will encounter and form connections with peers with different backgrounds, ideas, customs, and ways of thinking," Clark said.
Bottom line: Clark said parents should expect children to make mistakes and be ready to listen and offer advice when misunderstandings occur. It is important for parents to remember that developing social skills will take years and that making mistakes can be valuable learning experiences.